this is my top secret journal about food

I'll be hauling some awesome vintage furniture in a van from Chicago to NYC the first week in January. Who wants to come with?

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My psychiatrist died last weekend. It is really fucked up that people keep dying. Also dennis's cat just died and I know I only lived with him for a year, but I'm really upset about it for some reason. Manface was a weird, awesome cat.

It's only been a few months since Zack died and none of this feels right.

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I have been modeling for a friend in photo school and this week he took a really excellent picture of me. It's nice to know that with the proper lighting I don't always look as ugh as I feel lately.

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Okay apparently in my absense Dennis has managed to reclaim all of our mutual friends. Since he refuses to even speak to me this is going to suck pretty hard when I finally go home.

Also the boyfriend is planning a month long trip to Afghanistan and I don't know how to break it to him that his frequent travel planning updates are really really boring. I know this is an unpopular sentiment, but I really do not enjoy traveling and I enjoy hearing about other people's travel plans even less. Especially when they include a flight from Dubai to Kabul on September 11. Death wish much? And this from a dude who doesn't want me to take the L train by myself after dark.

I'm pretty sure everyone is annoying me on purpose today.

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Wow this has been a pretty stellar week. Some highlights include: I have to take this semester off school and live in the suburbs with my mom; my insurance denied my claim for surgery and even if my appeal goes through i will still end up with a $15,000 co-pay; in case insurance changes their mind by Friday I had to go get about 30 giant metal hooks stuck to my teeth last night and not only can I hardly eat eat now but it hurts to SMOKE.

Oh and I am still fat and my new betsey dress still doesn't fit.

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What the fuck is wrong with boys. I'm having an impossible time with my health insurance lately and it's really stressing me out and all my boyfriend can do is offer me endless advice and suggest that I get surgery is Asia where it is cheaper. Thanks dude, that makes me feel much better. I mean is there anybody in the world who knows how to listen and reassure someone without telling them what to do? Am I the only one who is able to say to someone "I'm sorry, that must be tough" without then throwing out a list of ten things they should do to fix the situation. Most people are pretty smart yknow? When your boyfriend cheats on you with your best friend I'm pretty sure you KNOW to dump him, but sometimes it's just nice to talk about how much you hate him for a while.

So not only is my boyfriend unable to stop giving me advice, every time I politely ask him to stop he flips out about how he can never do anything right with me and I am manipulating him into impossible situations and then he hangs up.

So I am honestly thinking this is not going to work out. I'm a pretty emotional person and it is too difficult to be with someone who is unfamiliar any emotions other than happy and pissed off. No matter how many things he buys me it will never make up for the fact that I can't tell him when I'm having a bad day. I fucking hate him right now.

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Dear Students
In case you didn't receive this mornings email via Blackboard:
Tomorrow's class is as listed for Monday: Yarnss.
See you then
Prof E